I know you’re all suuuuuuuuper excited that we’re back to some good old Sweet Valley High!
So let’s talk about this cover. Bruce Patman looks like he’s at least in his mid-30s, probably older. And is that a dead animal wrapped around him? No, not Jessica Wakefield, that brown thing. He also appears to have borrowed Clark Kent’s hair…my guess is he’d like it back.
This book covered waaaaaaay too much time with no explanation. At the beginning, Jessica is thrilled because she and Bruce win this dance contest. Then suddenly, weeks have passed and she is glued to Bruce constantly. I don’t know how they managed to go several weeks without a dance at Sweet Valley High, it is a travesty y’all!
Basically, Bruce is bad news, which we knew. Cept then I thought about it and realized that when this book was originally written, there was no history of Bruce Patman to look back on. This book is the one that shows us he’s manipulative, a sexual predator, liar, but wicked good looking. I mean, how else could anyone get Jessica Wakefield to act so different? She doesn’t act like herself at all! Not a single attempt to ruin someone else’s life.
I’m sure you can guess how this goes – Bruce treats Jessica like crap, Liz gets upset about it, Jess threatens to disown Liz if she says mean things about Bruce. But then of course, Liz is right because when is Elizabeth Wakefield ever wrong about anything? She is a Wakefield of Sweet Valley, after all!
In the end, Jess figures it all out and throws pizza and soda all over Bruce, then lets the air out of his tires. The old Jessica is back! and Liz couldn’t be happier.
Some of my key favorite things from this book:
- “He was dressed in red leather pants, with a matching skinny tie knotted loosely over his white shirt.” I had no idea Joe Jonas hung out at Sweet Valley! That’s who he dumped Taylor Swift for – Jessica of course!
- Robin Wilson has bought into the Sweet Valley ideal of Wakefield body types, she flashes an embarrassed grin and points to her ample midsection. Poor Robin, they never even say how big she is! Although at one point it is mentioned that she’s wearing a horizontal pink and white striped dress. Ladies, this is not attractive no matter what size you are, just fyi.
- Jessica is smoking Bruce at tennis and he says “Who do you think you are, Chris Evert Lloyd?” Well, at least she’s not Martina Navratilova!
- Liz mentions something about Jessica repaying her for something “in the year 2000″. Anyone else just start singing the Conan O’Brien song?
All in all, a little bit on the boring side for SVH, but I know you’re all glad I found them all in unpacking!